This is probably the most personal post I’ve ever written.  I tend to keep the blog light and breezy but with the New Year, I’m feeling a bit reflective and even open.  So, here goes.  

I’ve gained quite a bit of weight since my youth, well I’d say since I was 25.  So in 5 years I’ve gained about 25 pounds.  Too much.  Fortunately for me, I’ve always had great self-esteem and it really hasn’t affected me too much.  This started to change recently, however.  

When I was in high school, there was a very pretty girl who was a grade above me.  She wasn’t especially smart or extremely popular but she was definitely one of the prettiest girls in our high school.  She had these amazing blue eyes that really made her, you know.  Anyway, I saw a picture of her recently and was very taken aback.  She was a mere fragment of her former gorgeous self.  She still has very pretty eyes but she looks so average now.  She never looked average in high school.  But she was thin in high school, and now, she’s average – not thin but not necessarily fat either.  Just average.  

The other day, I received some photos in the mail that I printed from a special event I attended.  I was taken aback.  I felt like a mere fragment of my former self.  I still have pretty eyes but I look so average now.  I never looked average in high school.  But I was thin in high school, and now, I’m average – not thin but not necessarily fat either.  Just average.  

Please don’t take this as conceit because it is not my intention.  I am not whining a la Lohan.  I’ve always been told I was a pretty girl.  I have a great attitude about it.  Looks are not everything.  I’m not too terribly vain.  I don't agree with plastic surgery for the most part.  But I’m keeping it real.  It’s nice when people give you compliments and I’ve always received a lot of those.  Until recently.  I don’t need compliments b/c I’ve always been able to compliment myself (insert smiley) but it still feels different. 

I guess this post is more for me.  A rousing contemplation in print.  I want to be, no - to feel amazing!  In the end it only matters how I see myself and I haven't been giving myself butterflies lately.  It has to change.  I have to make a change!